And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I wish there were birth control emojis
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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