Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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