At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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