Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
