I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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