we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
