census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
