I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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