Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
