I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He shit in the fireplace
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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