the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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