his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
