so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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