I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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