i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How does it feel to date your dad?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
