Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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