I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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