You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
