I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
