my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
