"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
