whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
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Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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