it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
