just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
