So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
sick fucks of a feather flock together
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
