There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
