I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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