I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
