So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
