Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
