you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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