alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
jump out the window naked night went bad
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
