don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
