I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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