I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
