Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Terrible idea I love it
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
