booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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