I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
