I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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