This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
