the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
