I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
