I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
