Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
