I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
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Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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