I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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