Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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