I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
