you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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