K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
