i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
