hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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