i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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