He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
