..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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