The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
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I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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