hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
