god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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