I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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