Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
