I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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