You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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