asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize