it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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