dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
