If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize